How to find Enduring Happiness

Have you ever had periods of sadness, depression, or misery?   Are you having difficulties finding sustained levels of happiness?  

Enduring happiness and joy is something we all seek.  

Happiness is easy to create for short periods of time but enduring happiness is much more difficult.   Especially with 2020 being such a tough year, full of uncertainty,  negativity, indecisiveness, arguing and hatred. 

So how do we find enduring happiness during a troubling time? 

Let me start by saying that happiness has eluded me for large periods of my life.  In my pursuit of finding enduring happiness I have studied the habits of people who are truly happy. 

Here is what I have learned.  

1. Happiness requires effort and being intentional with daily positive habits.   You have to monitor what is going into your mind.  Negative energy in equals negative energy out and vise versa.   Be mindful of the amount of negative energy you consume from social media, news, and negative people. Be mindful of the people you spend the most time with.  Toxic people and negativity spread like wildfire and will deplete your positive energy. 

2.  You must maintain happiness in three time zones:  the past, the present and the future. 

The past: Many people are have had traumatic things happen to them. Unhappy childhoods, abusive relationships, victims of a crime, or some type of trauma.  Everyone has had something that has been a hell in their life and unfortunately, some people have had it worse than others. 

To achieve enduring happiness, you must accept and be o.k. with the past.  If you can not let go of what happened to you, and accept it, it will makes it very difficult for you to find happiness in the present moment. 

I know, this is way easier said than done. Some people may have to get some form of therapy to unpack some of these traumatic experiences. Remember, you don't necessarily have to accept or approve what has happened to you. The sooner you can bless and release the better.  

It took me a very long time for me to understand this as I had to forgive my father for some of the unpleasant things that he did in my childhood. I also had to fogive my very own behavior for some of my actions and lack of actions toward my mother. Once I was able to come to grips with the fact that my parents are deceased and there is nothing more I can do to change the situation, I felt a huge burden lifted off of me.  

The present moment: You can only truly be happy in the present moment. If you're living in the past, or you're anxious about the future, you can't be happy or joyous in the present moment. 

How are we happy in the present moment?  Doing things we enjoy more often.   We can sustain happiness even when doing things that are unpleasant or mundane. By honoring the struggle of lifes unpleasant tasks and just coming to grips that some things we don't enjoy have to be done. Try and delegate some things if you can.  

Last night I had to plunge a toilet in the basement bathroom that was full of unpleasant things from one of my daughters.  It didn't fully unclog and the toilet over flowed with poop water.   

It smelled.  

I cursed.  

Then I laughed at how ridiculous the situation was and was surprised my daughter was capable of such a clogging.  I reminded myself to honor the struggle.

Another way to be fully present is to connect with other people with positive intention. Pleasant conversations and positive energy fills our cups.  Doing kind or helpful things for other people, or service,  is a great way to create happiness. When we create joy for others we create joy for ourselves. 

I would have you consider that if you're spending your time arguing with people on the internet about politics or monitoring the 24 hour news cycle...well, that is likely not going to bring you much joy. Every 60 seconds engaged in mindless and negative activities is a minute we rob ourselves of joy. 

People literally wake up in the morning to the newa of the day or comparing themselves to others on social media. They go to bed at night doing the same thing.   They wonder why they feel unhappy. 

The future: People who are genuinely happy are optimistic and even enthusiastic about the future.  A tactic I use to help me be optimistic about the future is having something to look forward to. Maybe it's a planned vacation or some type of experience. It could be something as simple as a date night, a weekend away, an event with your kids. Something that brings you joy whic is planned out ahead of time. Oftentimes, the anticipation of having something fun to look forward to like a big vacation, brings happiness even during mundane times because you have this joyous occasion on the horizon.

So to recap, be mindful of the negativity your consume.  Balance your happiness over the three time zones and remember that you can only be happy in the present moment.

Be aware of the trappings of temporary happiess as they are really just temporary distractions and don't truly fill your cup.   Temporary endeavors like video games, television, social media, and those things that give you a quick dopamine hit. 

You may feel like you might be happier but they're really just a distraction from the current moment.    

Please share how you maintain levels of enduring happiness. Feel free to like, comment, or share with someone who needs to hear this.  If you would like help in seeking your happiness, feel free to contact me. 

-J