Self Doubt: 5 Strategies to Help You Overcome Limiting Beliefs
Self-Doubt: 5 Strategies to Help You Overcome Limiting Beliefs
Have you ever avoided something because you knew it would be uncomfortable?
What are some of the tasks that you do, that you absolutely hate and dread, but need to get done?
Why do you dislike them so much?What are the things in your life that you are avoiding now that you know you should do to level up?
Who are the cheerleaders in your life who clap when you win? Who are the trash talkers?
What is a lofty goal you have put aside due to a limiting belief?
Our mind is wired to avoid things that are uncomfortable which is really illogical when you think about it, because if you look at success and progress, it requires a level of discomfort to achieve it. We know that overcoming obstacles and hurdles actually make you feel good, and despite this good feeling we still feel dread and want to avoid things. Think of a time when you did something that was really difficult and uncomfortable. Do you remember the feeling of accomplishment once you were finished? Maybe it was a particular event like a 5K run or half marathon. Maybe finishing an education certification or a degree. It was miserable going through it but had such an immense sense of accomplishment once complete. You identified the growth and knew the difficulties paid off.
I will have you consider that discomfort is your friend. Most of us seek comfort and take the path of least resistance as a way to numb or avoid difficult tasks. We do everything we can to avoid tasks that we "hate" to do, which ultimately makes us soft. We live a life defined by the limiting beliefs we have because it is comfortable in the little box we have built for ourselves. Not only do we put ourselves in a little box, but so do the people closest to us, like: coworkers, family, and friends.
Have you ever dreamed of a possibility or lofty goal for yourself only to have friends, family, coworkers shit all over it? "There is no way, you can’t do that”, "Don't expect too much” or a sarcastic “good luck with that, let me know how that works out for you”. Have you ever been on a diet, and had that friend offer you a beer or a piece of cake, knowing you are trying to achieve a fitness goal?
We are often motivated to do things and pursue our goals until the closest people around us remind us of the risks, the downside, and our limitations. Often times the advice is well intentioned and comes from a place that they perceive as loving and caring. They think they are giving you this advice for your own good.
We live in a world with a lot of insecure and jealous people and many of them are our very own friends and family. Failure terrifies them as does success. When we transcend to something outside of the box they have placed us in, it reflects light on the walls they have built around themselves. Those people will say things and do things to drag you back into your box like “crabs in a bucket”.
Have you ever heard of the crab mentality? “If I can’t have, neither can you”. Members of this group will attempt to reduce the self-confidence of any member who achieves success beyond the others, out of envy, resentment, spite, conspiracy, or competitive feelings. They will ultimately talk you out of your hopes and dreams. When you give in, you go back into your box (or tiny prison cell) and it feels even smaller while the self-doubt in your subconscious grows larger.
The hardest conversations you will ever have, will be with yourself. You will have a big goal and want to achieve great things, but then there is a voice speaking in your head saying that you can't do it. This voice is your self-doubt and it speaks to you in limiting beliefs. We are our own worst hater and doubters sometimes. Self-doubt is a natural reaction to any bold attempt to change your life from where you are now to a better one.
How do you overcome self-doubt? How do you overcome the anxiety and negative thinking associated with self-doubt? First of all, you need to know that EVERYONE has self-doubt. Everyone accept sociopaths. Knowing this, how are some people able to overcome it and achieve their goals whereas others are paralyzed by it? It comes down to applying strategies.
If you don't believe in your abilities, truly believe, then you are leaving chips on the table and you are holding back your potential. When you hold back what you can truly give then you hold back what you can truly get.
In order to overcome your self-doubt you must reframe your confidence. You can be confident and have doubt about your capability and remember, as I said before only sociopath’s lack self-doubt. When you have competence and skill in something it will improve your confidence. When you believe in your ability to learn a new skill, to ask for help, and the ability to figure things out, your self-doubt will shrink.
Here are 5 strategies you overcome self-doubt:
1. Time Management: Get control of your day. You must enter each day with more intention as a human and not live a life of reaction. You will never develop the skill sets to win if you don't control your day and stop/minimize the reaction to what life just throws at you. You must plan your day and manage your time. Block time for self-improvement, exercise, quality time with friends and family, and time for projects that you are working on. If you don’t safeguard this time, randomness will creep into your life. When randomness and other people’s agendas creep into your life our first reaction is to put our own needs, goals, and important things aside.
2. Get Clarity: Who are you as a person? Get clear on your goals/purpose/mission. Use the SMART method: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Timely. You must get clarity on what you want to achieve, develop a plan, identify skills that you must develop, and begin moving forward to gain momentum. If you don’t know the steps to success you will have more doubt and be more uncertain. Decide your goal, develop a plan, and show up consistently. Get the map, know the path, and move toward the objective. Decide. Commit. Succeed.
3. Do Hard Things: Subject yourself to difficult tasks and challenges to callous your mind. Doing hard things, strengthens your mind and gives you a sense of accomplishment when you complete it. The experience of a difficult task gives you confidence in the future as it enables you to reach back as a reference point in time to gain strength. A difficult challenge maybe committing to a 5K or marathon. Maybe it is completing a challenge like #75Hard. One daily uncomfortable task that I do each day is take a 5-minute cold shower. Not only are there great health benefits to it, but it is uncomfortable. It makes me grateful for simple things in my life like that hot cup of coffee and a warm towel. I also like physical challenges because it is something you can easily work on every day. Get comfortable being uncomfortable.
4. Surround yourself with people who clap when you win. People who hold you accountable and who force you to raise your ambition. Turn down the volume on the nay-sayers in your life and distance yourself from the crabs in the bucket that are holding you down. This isn’t easy to do, however, who you surround yourself with will determine your success. You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. If your friend’s smoke, more than likely you smoke. If your friend’s workout, more than likely you do. This goes for every aspect of your life.
5. Honor the Struggle: Honor the Struggle and find the joy in mundane tasks. Instead of avoiding and complaining about the tasks that you must do, embrace them and have reverence for them. When you say: “I hate taking out the trash.” It turns into a little monster in your life. When you begin to dread things, it will wear on you mentally. It can also cause friction in relationships. You don’t want to take out the trash becomes an argument between you and your significant other or children. I challenge you to lean into the things you dislike. High performers embrace the suck. Fully engage in the things, even the things they don't want to do. Look forward to the work email, the meeting, the myriad of mundane tasks and just accept that they are a part of life. Honor the struggle.
Greatness and having a characteristic of winning is not something that if you meet it once, it stays with you forever. That shit evaporates like a flash of hot oil in a pan. -David Goggins "Can't Hurt Me."
If you truly want to level up, to achieve the next level, it requires sustaining greatness for long periods of time. It requires staying in a constant pursuit of putting out unending effort. Constant pursuit of challenges and obstacles to overcome. You must continue to put obstacles in front of yourself and embrace that friction. THAT is what is going to help you grow.
I hope this helps give you some perspective and serves you well.
What is a big goal that you have been putting aside out of fear?
What struggles do you have overcome self-doubt?
Big goals take ALL of your energy, resources, focus, and time. The best way to achieve a goal is to go ALL IN. In order to go ALL IN you must remove all the doubt, or at least minimize it to a point that it doesn’t paralyze you. Self-talk and limiting beliefs feed our self-doubt and keeps us from moving forward toward achieving our goals through avoidance.
Take the tasks that must be done and do them. There is no magic pill or shortcut to success. Make a habit of winning your day. When you do this day after day, over the course of one week, it then becomes two weeks, and then a month. Before long, winning the day becomes a habit. Winning becomes less of an act of doing just a handful of actions and effort, to becoming a thoughtless character trait. Winning becomes who you are as a person.
Do Hard Things,
-J
